ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
