We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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