Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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