saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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