We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
