Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
