He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
