who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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