my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
