I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
