There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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