i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
