I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
