On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
