I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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