Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
