he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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