he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
