just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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