Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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