This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
