i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
