M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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