She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
