I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
