Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
