I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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