she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
