Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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