While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
