Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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