he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
