I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
