if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
