i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
