I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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