youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
