next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
