omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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