If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
