the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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