i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
