trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
