Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
