Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
