I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
