Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
