Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
