; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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