I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
BRING THE BAGELS
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
