I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
