How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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