I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
is that a dick in a sweater?
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