i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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