Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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