There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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