Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
