I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
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My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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