At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
