can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
