Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.