Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize