Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
