Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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