I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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