I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
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My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
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I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.