Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice