I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok