Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
last night I used snow as a chaser