its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
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I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My dick has a subreddit
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol