It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.