Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
