He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
