I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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