some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
