what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
