Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
