idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This baby is an asshole
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize